


take these sunken eyes and learn to see

by GloriaGilbertPatch



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 19:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4576770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloriaGilbertPatch/pseuds/GloriaGilbertPatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She really was smarter than this whole…this. My contribution to the remix.</p>
            </blockquote>





	take these sunken eyes and learn to see

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Blackbird](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2811656) by [Smapdi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smapdi/pseuds/Smapdi). 



She should have known it was a bad idea.

Deep down, in the dark, shameful recesses of her mind, she had to admit, even to herself, that she had. ‘Friends with benefits’ wasn’t really a thing; it’s just what you call it when one of you wants love and the other wants sex.

The first time, maybe she could’ve passed off as a one-night stand between two friends, which _was_ a thing, sometimes. Two friends, a little drunk, a little lonely – yeah, even now, she maintained that the first time was okay. But she should have known better, and sooner. She should’ve been a little more honest with herself, but the sex was great, and Danny was a great friend, and _during_ and _after_ the sex –

Well, during and after the sex and probably before the sex and maybe even all the time, Danny loved her. And she was a little busy and a little selfish and sometimes a little clueless, but she wasn’t stupid and she did care more about Danny than she’d ever thought she would. And Danny had fallen in love with her, and she’d hated it and tried not to think about it, even as she distanced herself from him, hoping futilely that he’d snap out of it and she could have her friend-with-benefits – or, hell, just her _friend_ – back again.

She’d done her best to keep it all from happening: Even when she was at his apartment nearly every night, she almost never slept over, and she dropped as many not-so-subtle references to their non-relationship as she possibly could. And when that didn’t work, when he still looked at her as if he were on the verge of saying something he couldn’t take back, something that would change _everything_ , she pulled away, talking to Jean about her problems, sharing jokes with Peter, teaching her adorable first-year residents everything she could, with a slight smile that she was ever that young and eager herself.

Jean had suggested the fellowship at Stanford, and she’d jumped on it, wondering slightly if this was fate talking to her, the single woman in her thirties who’d always wanted children and now had the opportunity to learn as much about fertility options as she could. But she tried to avoid thinking about her personal life, at least not in that way. She was doing _so much better_ without a boyfriend; her career was thriving; her friendships were thriving. She was doing good work for her patients and good work with her interns, and after all, she had Danny.

Danny, who took her to bed and worshipped her body like it was exactly what he’d been made to do, and then who rolled over and let her leave him when they were done. Danny, who gave her sex without commitment or obligations. Danny, for whom the news that she’d been accepted would be bittersweet at the very best.

“You got in?” he asked, in a voice she could tell he was trying so hard to keep positive. She squealed with happiness and excitement and nodded and threw her arms around him, feeling his arms hold her tight for a moment before letting her go so she could hug the rest of the practice and then run off to Jean’s office at the hospital to tell her, too.

She showed up at his apartment that night, because she couldn’t help it, even though she _knew_ it was a bad idea (she really had always known). He’d been expecting her, anyway, and wordlessly had taken her into his arms and into his bed – and she’d had good sex and bad sex and great sex, but she’d never had sex like this before, and she knew, for his sake, that she had to stop being selfish and this had to be the end.

She lay in his arms when it was over, afraid to move, afraid to speak, heart heavy with unspoken words and the broken promises she’d made to herself.

“I love you, Min,” he said quietly into the darkness. “I love you.” The words were shaky and the pain in his voice made her whole body hurt. She sighed quietly and turned towards him, owing him that much. She touched his cheek, and ran her fingers through his hair, and leaned in to kiss him gently on the mouth, trying her hardest to put all the kindness, all the regret, and, yes, all the love she had for him into that kiss because she knew it was the last time.

“I know,” she answered, bracing herself against the moment when the desperation in his eyes gave way to nothing but heartache. “Oh, Danny…I know. And I’m so, so sorry.” She couldn’t help reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder, to try to offer him some comfort, because he was one of her best friends and he’d just had his heart broken.

She never thought she’d be the Harry, but there it was.

“It’s okay,” he said dully, and that was even worse because she knew it wasn’t. “I just…I needed to tell you that.” She nodded, blinking back tears at how defeated he looked, knowing it was her fault.

“I’m glad you did,” she said in a small voice, her own heart aching badly now. Because she loved him, too, even if she didn’t want what he wanted, even if she maybe didn’t love him quite the same way, and watching him hurt was almost intolerable.

She could make it stop, she knew, and that was maybe the worst part. The words were bubbling against her lips – _Danny, I love you, I want to be with you, I love you, you’re the one, I love you_ – but she couldn’t say them, not now when they were alone in the dark and she was going to leave, not without being a worse friend than she already was. She knew she couldn’t, and yet when he quietly started sobbing she wished more than anything that she could give him what he wanted, because she never wanted to be the one to make Danny cry.

She really couldn’t help it, then, reaching for him and pulling him close to her, and he curled into her embrace, hot tears falling onto her shoulder as she held him in her arms. She’d never seen Danny cry before, and it hurt more than she ever could’ve expected, but she didn’t let him go as he clung to her, his body trembling with the effort.

“Mindy?” he asked finally, when he’d stopped shaking and he seemed a bit more composed.

“Yeah?” she answered, her voice an odd combination of anxious and soothing.

“Will you…will you stay the night?”

“I…Danny…I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Please.”

It was the simplicity that got to her, and really, Mindy knew that whether it was a good idea or not, she owed him this much. And…if she was being honest, she wanted to be here, in Danny’s arms, in his bed, with him. She didn’t want to go home alone, and she really didn’t want to leave him alone.

“Okay,” she said finally. “Okay, I’ll stay.”

“I’ll get you some stuff,” he replied, but he made no attempt to move and she didn’t need him to, not really. Being in bed with Danny was like lying next to a furnace, anyway. And her teeth could deal with being ignored for one night when Danny needed her. The thought of Danny needing her tugged suddenly at her heart, and she curled in closer to him, overcome with tenderness for this man whose heart she’d broken. She could be his security blanket tonight; in a weird way she wanted to. It was wrong and sad and unhealthy, probably, but she _did_ love him and if she could give him this she thought maybe he would feel better and the idea was intoxicating.

And a reluctant part of her couldn’t help admitting that she wanted to be in his arms for her own sake as well – that cuddling with this man felt safe and comforting for a woman on the verge of a huge new and slightly terrifying adventure.

She’d really never meant to use him.

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be longer and more involved, and maybe have a happier ending, but I decided to keep it more of a Mindy's POV of what Smapdi actually wrote, which _slew_ me while Christmas shopping last year.


End file.
